Thursday, September 20, 2012

Getting back to life

It has been a months since I’ve last posted a blog. I’ve been so caught up with depression and the death of my father that I’ve basically cut myself off from my best buddy in the world; my lap top. This is the second death that took place that was very close to me. Exactly 2 years and 2 weeks ago, my brother was killed in a car accident. On Tuesday, August 7th 2012 I watched my father take his last breath. I hated to see my father die, but it pained me to see him suffer daily. I will never forget the day I saw him take his last breath. I can literally visualize this every single day. As much as I’m told that I should not have any regrets because I was there for him as much as possible, I still feel it wasn’t enough. I miss seeing his face and I miss hearing him complain. I miss him from calling me by the pet name that he gave me when I was a child. I miss the expression on his face. I miss every aspect of my father and hate that I was born into a world to experience this journey we must all take. Mankind takes for granite the small things. I try to cherish every single moment in life that I have because I don’t know when or where I will take my last breath. I will definitely say this; his death taught some things I need to do. It taught me to live and laugh as much as I can and to savor every single second that I have with my life. It taught me not to waste my time on foolishness or being angry. It took me a month and two weeks to start back with my buddy. I barely check my emails or even nurture my imaginary children; my novels that I’ve written. I spend the bulk of my time with my mother and family because every single moment is very crucial. Death is very much fresh on my mind and I still can’t fathom that the best man and the first man that I ever loved with my whole heart is gone. I think what hurts me the most is that I will never see his face again. This is an experience I will never forget because on most days I feel like something is missing that I can’t get back or restore. Death is very personal. When you lose someone that is close, part of your essence dies too. Think about it.

1 comment:

  1. hello cousin! loooong time no hear or see. i lost my father 22 yrs ago and i still dream of him. however i have let the sadness go. your loss is still fresh however...but remember what i'm about to say, and i hope that it means something to you one day. when dealing with the loss of someone so dear to you, you MUST let them go. or you will surely JOIN THEM. by the way...this is greg. text me sometime.9016443052