Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Time does not heel all wounds

It’s been a year and almost two months since my brother passed. I will never forget the time and the date it occurred. Every Friday it blows my mind to know that he’s gone and that I’ll never see him again. I was told that time heels all wounds, but sometimes it doesn’t. You can try to push the pain and sorry out of your head, but it never leaves the heart.

A co-worker lost her brother the other day and she says that she stops and cries all day long. I told her that it’s okay to cry and don’t try to stop. Let it all out. It’s going to be heavy on your heart every day. And perhaps one day you will stop crying, but the pain will still be there.

The day I lost my brother I felt as if a piece was taken out of my heart. It’s an indescribable feeling that is hard to explain. It weighs heavy on your heart and spirit although you know this is a duty we all will make someday. I explained to my co-worker that although death is a part of life it’s still hard to fathom. Maybe because reality sets in and we realize that this person will never be seen physically again. The only thing we have left is perhaps a picture or memory of that love one.

I’ve been trying a different approach on how to get over the pain. I just think about the funny things he would and say and laugh. He was also a talented musician. I would think about how he would play the guitar as if it was second nature. When conversing with my other siblings we reminisce on our past with him and conversations. My eldest brother took it the hardest because he was his first sibling. Not to say that we don’t grieve, but it’s different somehow. My eldest had the time to experience him as a baby and shared 2 ½ years with him alone.

When I talk to my oldest brother he always says, “I feel that I’ve let him down because I wasn’t there to protect him”. I had to explain to him that when our number is up there’s not anything that anyone can do. He walked his walked and we have to walk ours. Life is truly a journey that only ones self can make.

So…what is the answer to heeling the wound? It will never heel. You just have to embrace it and take the beating. Cry when you feel like crying. Laugh when you feel like laughing. Talk when you feel like talking. Now, I understand the meaning of cherishing and accepting people for who they are. Life is a vapor and we are only here for a season.
Think about it

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