Thursday, September 20, 2012

Getting back to life

It has been a months since I’ve last posted a blog. I’ve been so caught up with depression and the death of my father that I’ve basically cut myself off from my best buddy in the world; my lap top. This is the second death that took place that was very close to me. Exactly 2 years and 2 weeks ago, my brother was killed in a car accident. On Tuesday, August 7th 2012 I watched my father take his last breath. I hated to see my father die, but it pained me to see him suffer daily. I will never forget the day I saw him take his last breath. I can literally visualize this every single day. As much as I’m told that I should not have any regrets because I was there for him as much as possible, I still feel it wasn’t enough. I miss seeing his face and I miss hearing him complain. I miss him from calling me by the pet name that he gave me when I was a child. I miss the expression on his face. I miss every aspect of my father and hate that I was born into a world to experience this journey we must all take. Mankind takes for granite the small things. I try to cherish every single moment in life that I have because I don’t know when or where I will take my last breath. I will definitely say this; his death taught some things I need to do. It taught me to live and laugh as much as I can and to savor every single second that I have with my life. It taught me not to waste my time on foolishness or being angry. It took me a month and two weeks to start back with my buddy. I barely check my emails or even nurture my imaginary children; my novels that I’ve written. I spend the bulk of my time with my mother and family because every single moment is very crucial. Death is very much fresh on my mind and I still can’t fathom that the best man and the first man that I ever loved with my whole heart is gone. I think what hurts me the most is that I will never see his face again. This is an experience I will never forget because on most days I feel like something is missing that I can’t get back or restore. Death is very personal. When you lose someone that is close, part of your essence dies too. Think about it.